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Wednesday, 18 March 2009


  • It's almost time again... 15 more days, that's all the time I have left.
    15 more days and then I go through core review again.

    I have a surprisingly less bitter outlook on my failure of the last time. Since then, I have definitely improved my skills as an artist and they way I see things, all thanks to my new instructor, Danny Filippone. It's absolutely amazing the things I've learned in a few months' time working with him, than all four years I've been at FSU. Sometimes I almost feel like I wish this could've happened sooner, but the Lord knows what He's doing, so I'm not complaining. I am freaking out kind of a lot because I still have a lot of work to do and only 15 more days in which to get it done...yeah, lol!

    Besides that, my sis is preggers again and my grandma still thinks she's young and capable. Not fun to deal with, but that's life I suppose. I'm still single. I have a prospect, but yeah... I don't know about that. He's incredibly attractive and sexy and I'm so indescribably attracted to him that's it's ridiculous, but I'm kind of afraid to do anything about it. I don't want to mess up our relationship ya know? Besides, I have no clue how he even sees or feels about me, so yeah, really not trying to put myself out there for a triple-threat rejection. Still, I often wonder, "what if?" Maybe someday I'll get to answer that question, meh, we shall see...

    I gotta get back to work (painting and drawing is my life at the moment - i could be worse :P). Peace ^_^

Monday, 09 March 2009

  • mediocre |ˌmēdēˈōkər|
    adjective
    of only moderate quality; not very good : a mediocre actor.
    mediocre
    adjective
    a mediocre performance ordinary, average, middling, middle-of-the-road, uninspired, undistinguished, indifferent, unexceptional, unexciting, unremarkable, run-of-the-mill, pedestrian, prosaic, lackluster, forgettable, amateur, amateurish; informal OK, so-so, 'comme ci, comme ça', plain-vanilla, fair-to-middling, no great shakes, not up to much, bush-league. antonym excellent.


    Mediocre.
    Pretty much sums up how I feel as an artist. Not all the time, but certainly most of it. I went to a faculty art exhibition this weekend and that just made it worse. Of course these people of tons more experience than I do, but it really puts things into a truly harsh perspective when you see how completely talented they are, and then you go home and look at your work that they have to judge in about three weeks time. No wonder I failed core review last time. Sucked, is not even an appropriate word. And I'm trying. Lord only knows how hard I seriously I am trying. Anatomy studies, books, working from life, sketching (supposedly daily but I never have the time), the list goes on and on. I'm trying. I want to develop, grow, excel, be better overall. It's like a constant struggle that never goes away. Time is running out. I can't fail core review a second time, I simply can't, I don't have that option.

    It also doesn't help when my focus is split on so many different things. I wish I could turn my mind off. Just stop it for one day and be able to tell it to do one thing at a time, think of only one thing at a time, instead of several. It's so jumbled. ...*sigh* Why is nothing I seem to do ever quite good enough? Why, for once, can I not be excellent? Am I really doomed to mediocrity and loneliness? Yes, loneliness as well as mediocrity, because the people I find myself attracted to are always... impossibilities. One is four years younger than me, the other is a 30 something. Either way I'm screwed, and the relationship is doomed before it even gets pursued. It's bothersome and frustrating, extremely frustrating, but I just want my art to be good for a change; to be good to my instructors more specifically.

    I'd also appreciate it if my head would stop hurting for more than one f*ckin day, that would be really groovy ^_^

Wednesday, 31 December 2008

  • Ready for 2009, oh so ready...

    So the good things about 2008 (in no particular order)

    - We moved out of my grandma's house and bought a new house (the we being my mom, brother and me)
    - My grandma also moved out of her house and now lives in a senior apt complex where everything is easy for her, one level, and attendants in case of emergency
    - My sister now lives in my grandma's house so the house of my childhood isn't gone
    - During the summer time I had some good times and experiences at Camp Riverview
    - Otakon 2008 : looked fabulous and had a great time. It was Otakon, need I say more?
    - Went to Hong Kong for two weeks and had a tremendously fabulous time, one I will never forget
    - I no longer drink alcohol
    - Acquired some new movies, anime, manga and posters, assorted clothes and some cool shoes
    - Obama was elected president and I had a part in history (a good one, hopefully)
    - Got a new iPod, YAY! Music is my lifeline :)


    And the sucky-arse things about 2008 (also in no particular order)

    - I lost 4 lbs. (when I finally reached 86, now I'm back down to 82, ugh >.<)
    - I had to go to the emergency room and owe them over $200.00
    - My migraines have worsened yet again
    - Three close people to my best friend passed away this year (in the last four months) and I'm sad for her and worried for everyone involved
    - My ex-fiance has had a child and gotten married (great for him, but yeah... kind of sucks to be on the receiving end of that news)
    - I failed core review and a few classes due to the first failure
    - I will not be able to graduate in the Spring of 2008
    - I will have to move back on campus for the fall semester of 2009
    - I will have to eat crappy-arse cafeteria food again, bleh >.<
    - Almost inadvertently (but maybe subconsciously) died from alcohol poisoning
    - My cell phone is cut off indefinitely (money problems always)
    - Have to go through core review, again...
    - Have no one to kiss on New Year's Eve, but I never have before either, so it's not such a big deal :P

    All in all some really amazing things have happened to me or around me in 2008. Some were good, a lot were bad, and most were probably mediocre. I really was truly grateful for my family for sending me to Hong Kong this thanksgiving, of course the entire trip was dampened since it was an early graduation present and they thought I was graduating in the Spring and now it won't be until the Fall (hopefully - kind of hard to be too optimistic when you feel like a total failure; especially when I started the semester off so well and ended it in such disarray and disaster. Not to mention that my family doesn't know about the change in graduation plans - with the exception of my mom and brother). I'm worried about my friend. Death is really hard, harder still when you have to deal with three (two of which were very unexpected), back to back like that. Life is hard, and then it gets harder. Maybe someday soon there will be some easy thrown in, if not for anything but good measure. I'm sure there are a lot of people worse off, and a lot of people better off. I don't want to be anyone but me, I would like to be happy though, an admirable goal I'm sure. So goodbye to 2008: the good, the bad, the sick, the frustrated, and everything in between. Here comes 2009, and hopefully it'll be a lot brighter, infinitely more cheerful and just a heck of a lot better all around. Here's hoping :)

Friday, 17 October 2008

  • I haven't written in awhile.
    I find that when you're busy, time really flies and you have no time for much of anything.

    I had to go to the emergency room yesterday (not fun at all). A migraine kicked into overdrive and leveled me, causing vomiting (disgusting I know), and my vision blacked out (kind of scary - which the Dr. referred to as "aura"). Needless to say I had to get some injections and went to sleep for pretty much the rest of the night. I feel pretty normal today, a little weak and tired but almost no pain at all (which is a blessing after yesterday). People have been telling me that I need to take better care of myself and not do so much. It's kind of impossible at the moment to cut down my activity. I find that I actually need to increase what I'm doing. I need more time for art projects and studying, I'm working and I can't cut back hours since I need the money to pay bills and stuff (which is barely getting done), and it's all about graduation. As far as taking care of myself I try to exercise regularly and I started taking multivitamins. I'm trying to cut salt out of my diet and eating unhealthy foods as much. I started eating a lot more fruit and vegetables, so I mean, I don't know what else to do. I guess I need to be more consistent? A schedule would probably help, and eating breakfast too. I usually don't eat until around 11:00 or 12:00pm for my first meal. I guess that's bad.

    Things to think about. But I have a paper due Mon., a test Tues. and a project due Wed. A test the week after that, and core review the week after that, so yeah, I need to go get some work done. I think I'll take a nap first though. I can barely keep my eyes open, lol! I hope everyone else is feeling good, healthy and having a grand time with life :) If you're not try and be positive and things'll work out for you in the end. ^_^

Wednesday, 01 October 2008

  • Busy, busy, busy.
    I knew this academic year would be like this, I just couldn't really prepare myself for it. I'm working everyday, I have 17 credits and it feels like I'm constantly moving form very early to late in the day. There's always something to do with few breaks in between. Still, I've been quite productive, especially lately and so far it's paying off. I hope I can keep up this motivation and continue to get everything accomplished on time.

    Homecoming is this week and I'm only excited for one reason: friends. Friends I haven't seen since last semester are coming up to visit and that is what will make this weekend a blast. I've been to parties before, and sadly, the "afterjam" is not my scene anymore. Its served its purpose for me, and now I no longer have any use for it. It's a different vibe here now and I just think I've outgrown it. I'm closing in on another transition period, changing with time as we inevitably all do, and I guess Im searching for something else, it won't be found in the Lane Center though, lol!

    I hope I did well on my art history exam. I'll probably get the exam back tomorrow; my professor's pretty efficient with grading, so then I'll know for sure. I need a nap before I go painting for three + hours. Love and Peace :)

TinkFaery21

  • Visit TinkFaery21's Xanga Site
    • Name: Tink
    • Location: Baltimore, Maryland, United States
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 10/1/2005

About Me

  • I'm a relaxed kind of person just trying to graduate. I can be serious and sarcastic but I'm also funny and seem to help people with their problems (free psychiatrist). Basically I'm a chill person that tries to enjoy life. If there's anything you want to know just ask. That doesn't mean I'll tell you but you'll be no worse off, lol!

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  • Xavier_is_gone
    I'm doing pretty good... how about you? My laptop was dead for about a week, but I'm back now. :]